Extincteur

Extincteur(Fr. )/ extinguisher (Eng.) noun: a metal cylinder which contains water or chemicals at high pressure which can put out fires.

A few weeks ago, my friend's Bed and Breakfast (which is called a "gite" in French) caught fire. The cause? An old toaster oven turned itself on and the electrical wire set off sparks that wreaked total havoc and destroyed her kitchen and living room with fire damage.

(Photo by Thierry Drosson)

Not only do (did) I have a toaster oven at La Bonne Etape, but I also have two fireplaces that I know nothing about. It put the fear of fire in me, and therefore sent me straight to the BHV to but fire extinguishers. My intention was to buy one for every floor in my house, and maybe an extra one to hang in the bathroom as modern art, just like Patrick did in his Brussels penthouse.

There were so many options-- extincteurs for gas, grease, cars, etc. I decided I should buy the ones that covers ALL bases. It was 51 euros (!) so I only bought one.

I thought that I was finished with this adult errand until I turned the corner and saw that the options continued-- and because this is France after all, they were aesthetic options.

Yes, those are fire extincteurs that look like magnums of wine. But of course! How perfect for my house in the Burgundy wine country, non? They cost 101 euros. Sigh. Because I am an adult, I must prioritize that money towards Farrow & Ball paint.

And then, gasp, I came across these sexy little numbers. Have you ever seen anything so cheesy in your life? The shocking part was that there was a cluster of folks gathered around these little honies picking out their purchases. ("Ooh la la, rouge! Non, non. non, rose!") God, the French aren't nearly as stylish and discreet as they make themselves out to be.

I debated purchasing this for the boys. How could I resist an extincteur with a pug in a Blues Brother disguise? Again, 101 euros-- I passed. The boys can thank me later.

I made my way directly to the Caisse (register) before any other distractions took a piece of my bank account. And what do you think they put in my bag (besides the warranty paperwork for my extincteur)? You guessed it, ANOTHER breathalyzer test. 

Really?

What is going on? Why is it that every time I make a purchase at the hardware store, I am given a breathalyzer test? Is it me? Are they trying to tell me something? Or is this a real fear across Paris-- people doing at home DIY projects drunk? Dare I try and extinguish a fire after too many drinks. Yet, something tells me that is precisely when I may need to extinguish a fire.

Oh, France.