La peur

La peur (Fr.)/ Fear (Eng.) noun: a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

Charlotte Rampling: The Look on Nowness.com.

Today is Day Three of a 30-day challenge to write a 50,000-word novel (National Novel Writing Month).To keep on the pace, I should write approximately 1,700 words per day. To say that I am behind that pace is an understatement. I spent Day One in a drunken state hoping that the wine would deliver me with a story idea, a brilliant character, a setting. Something. Anything. Instead it gifted me a hellacious hangover and zero words. Day Two I was too hungover to write, although I did birth a rather long (dare I say 1,700 words long?) mental list of reason why quitting was a good, no a great idea.

This morning I awoke to a fabulous bit of advice in my inbox... "Just plan to write a 50,000-word pile of hot steaming shit." Which is what I have now officially begun to do.

"Write what you know" I once heard said about the writing process. After too much coffee and a bowl of fruit,  I have written 2,936 words about the first time I tried living in Paris, back in 2006. Only 47,064 steaming hot words left to excrete.

Is there a story line here? A plot? Interesting character development? I have no freaking idea.

"There's an animal excitement about confronting situations where you have no idea what the outcome will be. When you're presenting yourself in front of crowds... what can happen. There's a challenge element to the exposure which is quite, well it's almost erotic. In a sense challenging your senses to that, you're pushing yourself to go dangerously into places. But that's what fuels most interesting things. Fear."

- Charlotte Rampling, for The Nowness

Reality

Reality (Eng.)/ Réalité (Fr.) Noun

• the state or quality of being real
• resemblences to what is
• a real thing or fact
• something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
• something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.

I've been on the wagon for a month. It was just time for me to take a break from wine. I wanted to miss it again.  Or perhaps I am getting drunk off of the reality of my upcoming changes. This lucidity has allowed me to tune into the universe's vibrational hum as I tackle fearful decisions, and knock off items on my to do list with wild abandon. I have no doubt that the celebratory wine will be well deserved soon enough.

"When a lot of change is happening, or a new dynamic is presenting itself, I want to be deft and aware. (When I put my plans in place to up and move across the country) I was a reality junkie. I wanted to be aware and take it all in.  The high was coming from the soberness of being able to experience every sensation. I can't imagine being like this again for a while... every once in a great while you get the sensation that you are exactly where you need to be, with razor sharp clarity, and you want to hold onto it and savor every last ounce of it. I can't think of anything more refreshing. It took a lot of faith to get here."
- Theo Enzo Aalto, since 1976

Expose

Most fears cannot withstand the test of careful scrutiny and analysis. When we expose our fears to the light of thoughtful examination they usually just evaporate.

- Jack Canfield