l'obscurité

image from Kim Gordon's exhibition at No6

l'obscurité (Fr.): obscurity (Eng.): Noun

• The absence of light; darkness. 
• The quality or condition of being unknown. 
• The quality or condition of being imperfectly known or difficult to understand.

When you are in between languages, it is hard to be truly understood. I don't know enough French to be able to explain nuances or provide context for many of my thoughts. So I find that when I say something it is taken at face value, as a definitive statement. (like the time I replied "oui" to my ex-boyfriend's marriage proposal when I really meant "peut-être") Or I have to go on and on and on about something in order to make sure that it's intended message is accurately delivered, which is nearly impossible due to my limited French.

This has resulted in me being more cautious with speaking, to choose my words wisely, and to listen more than I speak.

In Buddhism, they have something they call right speech-- the way in which the practitioner chooses their words in order to abstain from lying, using abusive or divisive speech, and idle chatter. I try to abide by those rules even in my native tongue (with varying degrees of success in the idle chatter department), yet now it has forced me to say only what is absolutely necessary in order to communicate a thought.

Although at times it can be rather uncomfortable, it really isn't a bad way to be. I am learning a great deal about myself in this process.