Grande

Grande (Fr.)/ Big (Eng.) noun:  Outstanding for a specified quality, important, or major concern, large as in size, height, width or amount.

"You have to dream big in order to get big."
- Dee Vo

Here's to a big 2012!

Cheers!

Inconnu

Inconnu (Fr.)/ Unknown (Eng.) noun: not known, understood or recognized; strange, new, undiscovered, untravelled, unmapped, undetermined, undisclosed, unspecified, unfamiliar; secret, not revealed;  not established or verified.

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little."
- Agnes de Mille, American dancer, choreographer, publisher

Perfectionnisme

Perfectionnisme (Fr.)/Perfectionism (Eng): a propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards.

And as far as my creative endeavors are concerned, I suffer from this.

I don't feel finished with my NaNoWriMo piece although the deadline was four days ago and I hit submit. I feel that it really needs a final chapter, a conclusion. What happened to the woman who found love in Paris? Where is she now? What did it all represent in the grand scheme of things? The ending could be 1-2 pages as far as I am concerned, so the length is not what has been keeping me from the sensation of having crossed the finish line-- perfectionism is.

I have simultaneously been participating in the 12-week Artists' Way program and find it auspicious timing that this week's chapter is all about Perfectionism.

Here is an except from the Artist's Way chapter on Perfectionism, by Julia Cameron:

"Tillie Olsen correctly calls it the knife of the perfectionist attitude in art. You may call it something else. Getting it right, you may call it, or fixing it before I go any further. You may call it having standards. What you should be calling it is perfectionism."

"Perfectionism has nothing to do with getting it right. It has nothing to do with fixing things. It has nothing to do with standards. Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop-- an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole."

"Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough-- that we should try again."

"No we should not."

"A book is never finished. But at a certain point you stop writing and go on to the next thing. That is the normal part of creativity-- letting go. We do the best we can by the light we have to see by."



With that said, I will let the ending be exactly where it is was of the official NaNoWriMo deadline, let go, and find comfort that its unfinished-ness could be the beginning in disguise-- perhaps for a sequel.

Les Essentiels: Novembre

1. Being able to talk to my Mom whenever I need/want The fact that she is only a phone call away is something that I am grateful for on a daily basis.

2. Rodin Face Oil. Now that the weather has changed, it keeps me hydrated.

3. Moleskin notebooks: for work, school, journaling, and just keeping track of all my inspirations. I have four active books in rotation at all times. And a tall stack of filled books.

4. Invitations to Hawaii, Noyers-sur-Serein, and Vienna presenting themselves when I least expect it.

5. NaNoWriMo for that kick in the ass to complete something that is very important to me.

6. Botot toothpaste makes brushing my teeth an event that I look forward to.

7. Weekly artist dates with myself per The Artist's Way program. The morning pages that are also part of the program are pretty incredible as well, for example this morning writing three pages filled with gratitude was a pretty fantastic way to start the day.

Love this pice of art at the Pompidou

8. Fall runs through Paris. Looking down is now just as amazing as looking up and around.

9. Lobster sandwich picnics at Spring, with a couple who gives me evidence that it exists by showing me what real love looks like after many years.

10. Making stateside plans to see my entire family and all my incredible friends during my upcoming visit, and knowing that I will return to Paris, where beautiful things like this happen in places where you least expect them:

Le magnétisme

Photo by Garance Dore

"'Tis curious that we only believe as deep as we live. We do not think heroes can exert any more awful power than that surface-play which amuses us. A deep man believes in miracles, waits for them, believes in magic, believes that the orator will decompose his adversary; believes that the evil eye can wither, that the heart's blessing can heal; that love can exalt talent; can overcome all odds. From a great heart secret magnetisms flow incessantly to draw great events."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (excerpt from Beauty)

Deux fois

Deux fois (Fr.)/ Twice (Eng.) adverb:  two times; in two cases; on two occasions.

This is Day Ten of the month long NaNoWriMo  (National Novel Writing Month) Challenge. Or as I like to call it, The Month That I Slept a Total of 30 Hours and Drank as Many Bottles of Wine.

I am proud to say that I have stuck with it so far (there's still time to jump ship) despite my better (saner) judgement. Everyday the goal is to write approx. 1,700 words in order to reach the 50,000 word goal at the end of the month. I am at 16,000 (how did that happen?) I already have a very full plate so taking on this challenge, on top of work, school, and Paris, not to mention zero skills as a writer, is probably considered a Category 5 act of insanity.

It would have been easy for me to have abandoned the mission once I realized that a novel is supposed to be fiction, and to write fiction you must first have a main character and a story to tell.  I had neither. Instead I decided to retell my own story of the first time I moved to Paris in 2006. At least that gave me a no excuse way to get started. Plus it is a story that I have been encouraged to retell.  So that is what I am doing.

Suffice it to say, I am both bored with and amused by my story. Retelling it has found me looking at it in a whole new light. And on Day Ten I am rethinking both the beginning and the end.

"We write to experience life twice."
- Anais Nin

L'art

Turbo by Baptitse Debombourg, Galerie Patricia Dorfmann, Paris

“If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
-Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country, 2005

La peur

La peur (Fr.)/ Fear (Eng.) noun: a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

Charlotte Rampling: The Look on Nowness.com.

Today is Day Three of a 30-day challenge to write a 50,000-word novel (National Novel Writing Month).To keep on the pace, I should write approximately 1,700 words per day. To say that I am behind that pace is an understatement. I spent Day One in a drunken state hoping that the wine would deliver me with a story idea, a brilliant character, a setting. Something. Anything. Instead it gifted me a hellacious hangover and zero words. Day Two I was too hungover to write, although I did birth a rather long (dare I say 1,700 words long?) mental list of reason why quitting was a good, no a great idea.

This morning I awoke to a fabulous bit of advice in my inbox... "Just plan to write a 50,000-word pile of hot steaming shit." Which is what I have now officially begun to do.

"Write what you know" I once heard said about the writing process. After too much coffee and a bowl of fruit,  I have written 2,936 words about the first time I tried living in Paris, back in 2006. Only 47,064 steaming hot words left to excrete.

Is there a story line here? A plot? Interesting character development? I have no freaking idea.

"There's an animal excitement about confronting situations where you have no idea what the outcome will be. When you're presenting yourself in front of crowds... what can happen. There's a challenge element to the exposure which is quite, well it's almost erotic. In a sense challenging your senses to that, you're pushing yourself to go dangerously into places. But that's what fuels most interesting things. Fear."

- Charlotte Rampling, for The Nowness

Les Essentiels: Octobre

The list of things that I adore about Automne in Paris is far too long for just one blog post. However, I realize that there is power in simplicity, so here is my attempt to boil it down to only ten.

1. Automne walks in Paris. The coloring of leaves is always beautiful, watching it happen in Paris is breathtaking.

2. Philosykos eau de toilette by Diptyque: fig leaves + fig tree wood + white cedar = perfect Automne scent. I seriously bathe in this.

3. The Artist's Way book/program: this 12-week program is guaranteed to clear out your pathways to allow more creativity into your life. I am currently on week four. Each week I have to take myself on an "artist date". This week's artist date was seeing silent film, The Artist. How apropos.

4. Isabel Marant oversized black blazer.

5. Julie and Aurelian's delicious restaurant by day/ charming wine bar by night. They tell me that its name is Invitez-Vous a Chez Nous (or something like that, meaning, You're Invited to Our Place). However, there is absolutely no signage signifying that there is any sort of name whatsoever. So we just call it The Red Bar. It is probably the single most inviting spot in all of Paris, so I suppose the phantom name is fitting.

6. A new haircut with light bangs.

7. Love from afar, like surprise packages of habanero hot sauce from Oregon and loving, supportive visits from Georgia.

8. A cathartic and magical evening with Bon Iver at the Grande Halle de la Villette.

9. Private dinner parties and wine degustations at Paris Terriors.

10. My writing group at Shakespeare & Co.

Automne

It's no secret, I love Automne!

• The way the sun sits lower in the sky.
• The warm vibrant colors of the leaves.
• The crisp air that begs for a cashmere wrap or blazer, yet not quite a coat.
• Knowing that soon enough, I won't feel guilty for filling my weekends sitting inside a cafe or a museum (rather than chasing the sunshine all over Paris).
• And searching for the perfect pair of boots as my signature statement this season.

This boot pursuit seems a lot more challenging than past years. Mostly because I am not visualizing (and by visualizing, I mean obsessing) over a very specific style/brand of boots that I may or may not ever find.

Will it be an Isabel Marant boot?

A Martin Margiela avant garde take on a classic?

A fur-lined Pierre Hardy lace-up wedge?

(Imagine these in black, lined with fur. They are so new that there aren't any images available yet.)

Or, *gasp* a Moccasin bootie? (seriously, I am thinking quite a bit about Moccasin booties lately. In my defense, I walk A LOT and comfort is key, okay!?)

It's kind of exciting to keep myself open so that the perfect boot can present itself to me, rather than hunting it down with the focus of an Olympian athlete. It is the difference between being on a mission and being on a journey. And I am starting to get used to this whole journey thing.

I know what type of "boot" it won't be. And I am pretty sure that Paris (and all of France, for that matter) offers a free vaccine for this unfortunate affliction of Elephant Feet. God bless Paris, God bless health care for all, and God bless Automne.

Illuminer

Illuminer (Fr.)/ Illuminate (Eng.): to brighten with light. To make uderstandable. To clarify. To expose or reveal by radiation. To enlighten intellectually or spiritually.

Most people think that perception works a lot like a flashlight in the dark, illuminating whatever it's aimed at. However, the truth is that instead of revealing what's there, it creates it.

Recently I was questioning how someone can knowingly change their perception. I was advised that it was simple-- just change your thoughts. Um, yeah. How does someone do that exactly? Here is the exercise I was given as a two week experiment:

1. Put two jars side by side.
2. Every time you have a disempowering, bummer thought, such as "the French government is trying to kill me with bureaucracy", "I'll never speak French fluently", "I no longer have any bicep definition", etc. I am to put one euro in the first jar.
3. As soon as that euro clinks in that jar, I am to write an empowering thought on a piece of paper, such as "I speak French 10 times better than I did this time last year", "I have the intellect and tenacity to handle the French government", "My calves look ah-mazing!" etc. Then fold that piece of paper and drop it in the second jar.
4. Whenever I need a little light to shine on my here and now, I grab that second jar, pluck out the pieces of paper, and Viola! My here and now is illuminated.
5. At the end of the two weeks, I am to take that first jar's contents and give it to charity, whatever charity looks like to me. 

Dots

"You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something... your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference."
-Steve Jobs, 1955-2011
excerpt from Stanford Commencement Speech 2005 (see below)

Les Essentiels: Trey Russell

(Trey at Versailles)

It's no mystery, September is my favorite month. Having grown up in the desert of Arizona, September signified the beginning of manageable weather. But more importantly it meant new outfits for the new school year. I could milk the new school clothes by combining every possible combination until the inspiration (or the clothes) wore itself out. Which usually happened just in time for Christmas... and a whole new batch of outfits and combinations.

So it delights me to no end to have had one of my oldest and dearest friends and fellow fashionista come visit me in Paris during the month of September. Trey Russell is the stylish owner and creative force behind Aris on the Coast in Laguna Beach. Over a bottle of Sancerre, I asked him to share  his 10 essentiels for the month of September.

Ten things Trey Russell can't live without in September: 

1. 2 cups of coffee with creme first thing in the morning.
2. Pizza. I seriously can't live without it. Any kind, but right now fig is my favorite topping thanks to Pink Flamingo Pizza in the Marais.

(Pink Flamingo pizza)

3. Swimming. The bigger the pool the better.
4. Flowers. Single arrangements, cut low. One variety, one color, tres chic.

(All white floral arrangements in the lobby at the George V, in Paris)

5. Diptyque cologne and candles. Right now I am obsessing over the Coriandre candle and the Eau de Lierre fragrance. They are both grass scents and perfect for the transition from summer nights into fall days.
6. Le cinema. Melancholia tops my list for a must see this month. Loved it!

(Melancholia by Lars Von Trier)

7. Aviator sunglasses. No brainer.
8. Eddie. (Trey's adorable pug who holds court at his boutique in Laguna Beach)

(Eddie aka Eduardo)

9. Texting. "There, I said it." I can live without Facebook, the phone, email, but I seriously can't live without texting.
10. My Porsche.

Nuages

Nuages (Fr.)/ Clouds (Eng.) noun: a mass as of dust, smoke, or steam, suspended in the atmosphere.

The more I learn, experience and grow, the more I realize that I really don't know life at all. I have always thought that the purpose of life was to be happy. Yet a very wise friend of mine challenged this theory with her own, "I am convinced that the only purpose in life is to grow" she said.

I have been capturing the life lessons, inspirations, bits of wisdom, and sharing my own life's compass on this blog for a few years now.  I have been spending a significant amount of time cruising through the archives and finding that the things I wrote about three years ago still apply to me now, yet in a different context. Last week, I naively thought, "I have shared all there is to share." And then very soon thereafter, I realized that life is never fully realized. Just when we think we are content and satiated, we are given the gift of a challenge or better yet, the opportunity to evaluate and enhance.

It is commonly theorized that the song Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell is about innocence and wisdom all at once. It is extremely moving to listen to her perform the song in 1970 with the outlook of innocence, and then again in 2000 with the maturity that comes from living life through all of its joys and pains.

Here is the original:




And again thirty years later:



I used to think that life was full of possibilities and that I could have and experience anything that I wanted to have or experience. And now? My older self and my younger self are realizing that this outlook still applies to me, albeit somewhat cloudier as I evaluate and redefine what it is that I want.

Le Divorce

(Jack White and Karen Elson, photo by Gareth Cattermole, Getty)

Creativity is defined as a new way of doing something. Based on this definition, I am finding that I am a lot more "creative" than I ever gave myself credit for.

I can draw. And I used to apply this talent in grade school through a variety of sketching projects. As an adult I scaled it back to blind contour portraits of friends and family. Creative? Well, perhaps.

I can style and edit. If you need to put together a complete look for an event, then I am your gal. Want some help editing your magazine, then call me. Creative? Um, okay.

But what about finding a new way to view something that is causing you upset, grief, struggle and discomfort. I can definitely offer some alternate ways to view the event from a perspective that it is actually the greatest thing that could possibly have occurred to you on the grounds of your own growth and ultimate happiness. The trouble is that when someone is experiencing their unfortunate situation, they may not be ready to check things out from a positive vantage point-- yet. In which case, offering them some alternate perspectives is really all I can do... well that and my total support while they process things.

Divorce and break ups are one of those things that seem to cause the most upset, and marinading in negative outlook. And while there are a myriad of alternate viewpoints on this unfortunate situation, here is one that I find very empowering and inspiring. Click here to read about the divorce party that Jack White and Karen Elson hosted earlier this summer.

Now, don't you dare go and label me as pro-divorce. Although I am not exactly sure how I feel about the institution of marriage, I am pretty solid with the concept of being one's word. Regardless, I do admire how Jack Black and Karen Elson chose to view and manage their own unfortunate divorce. Very creative, if you ask me.

Etre Coincé

(Monsieur Dries Van Noten)

être coincé (Fr.) Be stuck (Eng.): verb;  to be wedged in and unable to move further.

Ever find yourself stuck? Unable to find your inner voice in order to resolve an issue, define next steps, or manifest a lifelong dream?

Here's a quick and easy go-to for me when I find myself in this space...

I find that it helps to list out some people who inspire me. They can be role models, heros, or just people who I am admiring for whatever reason.

Then the next time I get stuck and am ready to let the Vampire of Despair kill my project I ask myself... “what would ___ do in this situation?” It also helps to write this down in a journal, notepad, or if you are like me, a blog. It makes it more real and therefore makes me more accountable.

I always seem to ask myself “What would Dr. Wayne Dyer say about this?” And he usually replies, "Ask Diana."

Here's my current admiration rotation:

• Dries Van Noten
• Madonna
• Dr. Wayne Dyer
• Diana Vreeland
• Oprah
• Scott Schuman
• Amanda F. Palmer

Who's in your rotation?

Vampires

Vampire (Eng.)/ Vampire (Fr.) noun: Any person, thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative expression.


Vampire is the same word in French as it is in English. I suppose this definition of vampire applies to everyone no matter what language, culture or profession. We are all plagued with vampires in our heads, although some of us have developed better slaying abilities than others.  Here are a few examples of the different vampire breeds, as described in this song:


Pygmee Vampire: They swarm around your head like gnats and say things like "your teeth need whitening", "you went to state school!?" "Shakespeare and Sedaris did it before you and better than you."

Air Freshener Vampire: She might look like your mama or your old fat ass Aunt Fanny, she wants you to clean it up and not write about anything "bad", which will leave your work toothless, gutless and crotchless.

Vampire of Despair: This is the mother of all vampires. It will wake you up at 4am to say things like "Who do you think you are kidding?", "you look like a fool", "no matter how hard you try, you will never be good enough"

"Why is it if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things I would think that he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, it is the voice of reason?"

La Créativité

(Installation by Spencer Tunick)

la créativité (Fr.)/ creativity (Eng): noun: Finding new ways of doing something, by tapping into the imagination to recognize and generate ideas to execute on.

My mom used to tell me that she didn't have "a creative bone in her body." And "I can't even draw a straight line to save my life" she would often say. I think that was because my father was a very talented artist and my mom thought creativity meant that you must have a certain skill set such as a talented illustrator, painter, writer, or musician.

What I realize now is that creativity is much more general than that. It is using your imagination to do something new regardless of whether there is a blueprint or something to model it after. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. The important thing is to go for it and provide an opportunity for change and sometimes mistakes to occur. Because change is the breeding ground for more creativity, and therefore more possibilities.

 So doesn't that mean that all parents are "creative"?

Or better yet that every single one of us is "Creative"? God only knows, there is no blueprint or model for us to live our lives from... we are creating them from the moment we are born.

Attitude

(Scott Schuman of www.thesartorialist.com, in Paris)

Having a good attitude is likely to pay off.  

Just sayin.

But don't take my word for it...

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."
- Winston Churchill

"A person who has good thoughts can never be ugly. You can have a crooked nose and a wonky mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."
- Roald Dahl

Le Sucre

(heart cake by Lily Vanilli)

Dear Sugar (Eng.)/ Chers Sucre (Fr.): Dear Sugar is an advice column that appears regularly (almost every Thursday afternoon EST) in the online magazine The Rumpus. Sugar’s identity is a secret, but her writing reveals her to be a woman of compassion, wit, precision and wisdom.

Although it is rare that I have gone through or am currently experiencing the same situations that her reader's write to her about, yet there is always something that connects with me on a deep, profound and heart piercing level.

The unifying theme seems to be resilience and faith.

If you have not read Sugar's column before, here is a great introduction:

Tiny Beautiful Things Column #64
Dear Sugar, I read your column religiously. I am 22. From what I can tell by your writing, you're in your early 40's. My question is short and sweet: what would you tell your 20-something self if you could talk to her now?
Love, 
Seeking Wisdom
Click here to see Sugar's response.

So, what would YOU say to your 20-something self about your life in its current form?

Les Essentiels: Août

Ten things that I can't live without right now:

1.New French experiences-- specifically Chinon, Loire Valley, Hôtel Agnes Sorel, Chateau de Coulaine, and dehydrated napkins.

(Hôtel Agnes Sorel)

2. Oversized Rolex watch with a black face. 

3. Converse Chuck Taylors with Bon Marche's black footies.

4. Downloads from iTunes.

(McNulty, The Wire)

5. Catastrophic events that open my eyes to a fresh, vibrant, liberating ways of living. (more on this later)

6. Faux Hermes Birkin picnic bag.

(ThursdayFriday "Together" bag on the Seine at sunset)

7. Uniqlo jeans and Uniqlo's free same day (and better yet--same hour!)  hemming service.

8. Crepe dinners in a rustic, over-grown garden in the backyard of someone's house.

(Dans un Jardin, Chinon, France)

9. Repettos molding perfectly to my feet.

(My favorite Repettos in the Jardin des Plantes)

10. My peeps back home who keep it real for me, encourage me to keep following my dreams, while watching my back and sorting through real world messes on my behalf.

What ten things make your August (Août) a little extra special?

Confiance

Faith (Eng)/ Confiance (Fr.): noun; Confidence or trust in a person, thing, or concept. Belief that is not based on proof.


I recently read a New York Times article about a Tony award winning playwright/performer , Sarah Jones, who recently received a commission from the Lincoln Center to develop an unspecified show. She has no idea what it will be about or what she will create, yet the clock is ticking to create it. Her specialty is to scour the city streets of New York City in search of people who represent "cultural fault lines that unite and divide the city" and to pluck these characters ripe for her own inspriration.


Although I am not a playwright, a performer, nor a New Yorker, I do have a few things in common with Ms. Jones. 

• I have been given a commission from the universe to create the life of my dreams, and have also been gifted the backdrop of Paris. 
• I search the city for inspiration and find myself eavesdropping on conversations in languages that I don't totally understand, peering in apartment windows at dusk to imagine the life within it, chameleon-ing myself to whomever I am interacting with out of authenticity in the moment.
• I don't know what my story will be, but I go in search of it and trust that it is unfolding exactly as it should. To be doing it in Paris at this moment gives me the peace of mind that I am in the right place for right now.

“I’m practicing a kind of meandering faith, or faithful meandering, I just trust that something is coming. I don’t know what it is. But I’ve been a straphanger all my life; I know what it’s like to not know when the next train is coming, but I trust the subway.”
- Sarah Jones, Unlicensed anthropologist, an explorer of the cultural fault lines that unite and divide the city, Tony award winning performer and playwright


Click here to read the entire NYTimes article--Sarah Jones, Scouting the City for Her Characters.

Situation

Situation (Eng.)/ Situation (Fr.): noun. Condition, case, or plight.

I am in the midst of a catastrophic situation. I am doing everything I can to sort through it, keep my balance and composure, relish in gratitude for the friends and family who have quickly risen to my aid and support, trust in the humanity of large corporations, and believe that everything will eventually be okay.

But it is hard, I am not going to lie.

One of the reasons that I love Paris is because it activates my imagination and provides the perfect environment for me to dream and marinade in life's possibilities. However, when life is serving up a big fat dose of crap back in my homeland it can be hard, no matter where I am, to shift my perspective back to the space of dreams and possibilities. So today I sought out one of the only surefire ways I know to help me revisit this happier perspective. I went to Musee Bourdelle for the Madame Gres exhibition.

For the two hours that I was there, I only thought about my situation a couple of times. But more than that, for the most part I felt inspired and hopeful. That is a huge improvement from the past few days and reminded me that no matter how horrible things may seem at any given moment, there is always something else that can bring us to a happier state if we let it. Our job is to give ourselves permission to feel better and to seek out an opportunity to shift our focus (even if only momentarily).

Here are just a few of today's perspective shifting images: